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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24501025">making time (and going nowhere)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/catefish/pseuds/catefish'>catefish</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Azure Moon Route, Jealousy, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Temporarily Unrequited Love, Verdant Wind route, one-sided dimileth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:14:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,483</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24501025</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/catefish/pseuds/catefish</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Felix could see the way he looked at them.</p><p>Though he would deny it, and though he has yet to realize it, the sight always filled him with disgusting envy.</p><p> </p><p>The professor has chosen to lead the Golden Deer, and the prince seemed intent on catching their attention. </p><p>Felix could only scowl at the situation.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>making time (and going nowhere)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title is from Last Dance by One Ok Rock</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It has not even been a month since he had set afoot on Garreg Mach, and yet the boar has already managed to get himself into trouble. While setting camp somewhere in the vicinity of Remire, bandits had emerged from the darkness of the forest, brandishing their axes, swords and lances menacingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Officers Academy had the bright idea of sending them on a short excursion in a ploy to get the new students to build trust with each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was ridiculous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were sent to the Officers Academy to learn tactics, leadership, magic, and swordplay. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Not </span>
  </em>
  <span>to gallivant with each other in merriment throughout their stay. Obviously, the excursion itself was a waste of time since majority of the time they had spent in the forest was spent setting up camp and preparing to cook.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix did not agree to his father’s wishes just to sing around the campfire and cook whatever game they managed to hunt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Of course, since this was a ridiculous decision by itself, things went south before they had even managed to set up camp.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Their supervising professor had ran away as soon as he caught sight of the bandits, shouting at the top of his lungs for the students to evacuate. Everyone had dispersed, running in various directions. Screams and shouts sounded as the bandits closed in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was chaotic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With all the commotion, it took a while for Felix to notice that the boar was no longer running away with them. They were already several leagues away from where they had set up camp, and the striking blue of the boar’s cape was nowhere to be found. Felix did not know for how long the boar prince had gone missing but he had a hunch that the moron stayed behind to buy the others time to escape. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That idiot!” Felix cursed under his breath as he stopped right in his tracks. Sylvain and Ingrid looked at him with puzzled expressions as they too slowed down to a stop. “I’m going back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Ingrid exclaimed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span>? The boar isn’t with us. What do you think we should do?” Felix scoffed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His Highness told us to protect the others, Felix. We can’t just separate from the group! There could be more of them out there.” Ingrid countered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Felix, come on, we have to back up the others.” Sylvain reasoned. “We can’t exactly separate from the group when the bandits might just be on our tail. We won’t be able to take all of them with just us three. We have no choice but to help guard the others. I’m sure His Highness and the other house leaders have a plan if they stayed behind and sent us away.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sylvain’s right, Felix. As much as I would want to go back for His Highness, we can’t exactly take them on as we are now. I trust that His Highness will be on his way back to us. He’s with Claude and Edelgard after all. He’s not alone.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you even realize what you’re saying? As if the boar, and the other two are even capable of taking down those bandits themselves. The boar can’t even control himself. I don’t care if you’re coming with me or not, I’m going.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Felix!” Sylvain grabbed Felix’s wrist. Sylvain leveled him with a serious look. Felix glared back with the same intensity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t right to just leave their damn crown prince to the bandits. And even if they had a plan, there was no certainty that it would work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop being stupid.” Felix bit back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, a distant scream sounded a few meters away from them. It was the familiar sound of their classmates in fear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was at that moment that Felix knew they had no choice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine. You both better be right.” Felix pulled his arm back from Sylvain’s hold, his frown deepening as he scowled at the situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go.” Sylvain nodded, gesturing his friends to follow his lead.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just who are they?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Amber eyes scrutinized the newcomer from afar. The boar and the other house leaders had just arrived earlier this morning, safe and sound, as if they weren’t at their wits’ end with the disaster that was last night. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Obviously, this wandering mercenary seemed to be the very reason why the three house leaders were even alive.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>From afar, Felix could see the prince excitedly conversing with the mercenary, face lighting up as the mercenary asked more questions. His blue eyes shone brightly under the sun, almost sparkling with enthusiasm, and a pleased smile was plastered on his face as he spoke, explaining whatever with all the eagerness of an excited child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That gleaming look on his face made Felix want to wretch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boar had no business looking the part of a prince. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Whoever this man was, he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing. He was not his best friend. He was not his prince. He was not in any way one of the most important people in Felix’s life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He had already lost them years ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“From what His Highness said, they seem to be a revered mercenary. The one they call the Ashen Demon.” Sylvain commented, eyes twinkling as he gazed at the monastery’s latest visitor. “Though I have to say, their looks definitely don’t match their title. That’s a beauty right there not a demon. Do you think they’d agree to a date?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They have better things to do than hang around with you.” Felix muttered as he rolled his eyes at Sylvain’s antics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ouch.” Sylvain feigned hurt. “Well, at least it looks like His Highness has a chance. I mean they’ve been talking for quite a while now. They must be hitting it off.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whatever.” Felix crossed his arms. Sylvain’s words seemed to echo in Felix’s mind. With a shake of his head, Felix pushed those thoughts away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was interested in their swordplay, nothing else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And whoever they were getting close to was none of his business. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That mercenary was a potential sparring partner, nothing more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Later, when the doors to their classroom opened, and revealed Professor Hanneman, Felix would see a flicker of disappointment flash on Dimitri’s face, the prince quickly plastering on a polite smile as he welcomed their professor. To the untrained eye, one would think that the prince was nervous. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Felix knew better. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The way his shoulders tensed, and dropped down as soon as he caught sight of Professor Hanneman, the way his voice was bit more chipper than usual, and the way his eyes seemed to flit toward the door in some sort of vain hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even if it was only for a moment, Felix saw right through whatever lofty mask the boar had put on his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That subtle change in expression twisted something strange in his chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Little did Felix know, this feeling would haunt him for the rest of his stay. For years even. He would only come to realize things much too late. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It was early morning when Felix arrived at the training grounds. He had just come from the dining hall after being badgered by Annette and Lysithea to eat sweets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a hectic morning to say the least. And there was no better way than to ease the tension in his muscles than perfect his mettle with his sword.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as Felix pushed open the doors to the training grounds, he was greeted by the sight of the boar prince, sweating through his uniform as he leaned on his lance to steady himself, and the new professor pointing their sword right at his side, wearing a blank expression on their face.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yield.” The professor said, eyes steeled as they waited for the boar’s response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can still fight.” The boar gritted through his teeth. The boar prince slowly got on his feet once again, getting into position with his lance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Very well.” In a flash, the professor lunged towards the prince with a confident thrust of their sword. The boar had dodged the blow at the last second.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘He’s being too slow.’ Felix thought as he watched from the sidelines. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he got back on his feet, the boar swung his lance upwards in an attempt to notch the sword out of the professor’s hand. But the professor reacted quickly, pulling their arm back and swinging their sword downward in an arc, using the momentum to hit the boar’s arm with the dull end of the blade, effectively causing the boar prince to lose his grip on his lance. The professor then delivered a low kick to the boar prince’s legs, causing him to fall on the ground.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix could only watch in awe, amazed at the new professor’s technique. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All right. You’ve won. I have to say your speed still astounds me.” The boar was slow, the professor’s speed was not something to be amazed by. If anything, it was their technique and how quick they were to assess the boar’s next move. But then again, the boar himself was quite predictable anyway, he would fight relying on his brute strength rather than on different techniques to win.  The boar was so set in the fighting style Gustave and his father had taught him. Though as each day passes, he was steadily learning more ways to maneuver his sword or lance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, Felix still found himself at even odds with the boar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was frustrating. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the only way Felix could improve was to spar either with the boar or the professor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix wanted to take on the boar first.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Surpassing the boar was long overdue. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve improved.” The professor held out their hand for the boar to take, a small smile graced their features as they complimented him. A soft blush quickly painted itself over the boar’s cheeks as he caught sight of their hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix wanted to look away in disgust. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boar acting like an excited pup was not something that Felix wanted to see.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have?” Blue eyes gleamed excitedly, a relieved smile spreading itself on the boar’s face. The boar took hold of the professor’s hand as he stood up. “Then I must request that we continue to spar—Ah, that is, if you have time to spare with me. After all, I am not your student.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine with me. I’ll let you know whenever I’m free.” The boar still hasn’t let go of the professor’s hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Typical.’ Felix thought with a scowl. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have my thanks, professor.” The boar bowed deeply, his gaze catching the sight of their hands still held together. “Ah! I’m sorry, professor. T-that was inappropriate of me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay, Dimitri. Well then, I’ll take my leave now.” The professor waved farewell as they walked out of the training grounds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Farewell, professor.” Of course, the boar stood there with a smile on his face, looking like the fool he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix almost wanted to wipe that stupid look off his face using his sword. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Finally, it’s over.’ Felix rolled his eyes. Now, he has the boar to himself, and it was high time for Felix to train, and win flawlessly against the boar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Since you’re already here, spar with me, boar prince.” Felix stepped out of the shade, a hand resting on his hip as he approached the boar prince.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Felix!” The boar jumped in surprise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So? Ready your lance already, we don’t have all day.” Felix got into his stance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, Felix. I have some matters to attend to.” The boar spoke softly, placing the training lance back on the rack. “Why not ask Caspar? I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Felix was surprised. The boar was always up for his challenge. What could he even be busy with? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry again, Felix.” The boar bowed deeply with an apologetic smile on his lips. “I’ll make up for it next time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that strange feeling twisted inside his chest once again, almost making Felix feel sick. Felix hated every second of it. He almost wanted to wrench the feeling out of his own chest. Agitated, Felix turned around, finding Caspar resting on the steps, wiping the sweat off his brow. Felix gripped his sword tightly, channeling that strange feeling into his grip as he willed himself to calm down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Fine then, boar.’ </span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a sound that Felix often heard a long time ago.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He could remember the way it sounded from back when they were still children, rolling around in the grass as they played in the fields near the castle. Blades of grass would get caught in their hair as they wrestled on the plains, pretending to be Loog and Kyphon, training to defeat the emperor. The sound would echo in his ears, and would make his heart sing in happiness just from hearing it. He remembered it so well that he could relive what he felt just by thinking about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was when he was on his way to the dining hall when Felix heard it once again. He was on his way to have his lunch in the dining hall after leaving his sword at the blacksmith’s. He hadn’t planned on lingering for too long, wanting to return to the blacksmith as soon as he was finished with his meal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as he heard the sound, Felix stopped right in his tracks. His keen eyes searched around the dining hall, half expecting to see the boar and half hoping that the sound was just a trick of his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He absolutely did not expect to run into the boar and the professor at this time of day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re smiling, professor.” The boar commented, his face was lit up with joy as he conversed with the professor. “I must say that it’s downright mesmerizing. Oh, but before I forget. I wanted to thank you for your help recently. Truly, I am in your debt.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s no problem.” The professor said as they took a generous bite of their steak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Of all the places.’ Felix groaned inwardly. He had hoped to have a quiet lunch. Now, he had to put up with the boar’s antics.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was getting on Felix’s nerves. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It has been several times where he would find the boar and the professor hanging out with each other outside of school hours. In fact, whenever the professor was not busy with Claude and the other Golden Deer students, the boar never failed to ask the former mercenary for a spar, and lately, even help with teaching some children swordsmanship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, sparring with Felix became an afterthought for the boar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was…</span>
  <em>
    <span>annoying</span>
  </em>
  <span>, to say the least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boar should know better than to bother the professor when they had their hands full, especially considering the fact that the Battle of the Eagle and Lion was fast approaching. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boar should know to focus more on training than getting in the professor’s good graces. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Felix took hold of his tray of steak, he quickly turned away, hoping to avoid the boar for the remainder of his lunch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Felix!” The boar called out to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Great, just great.’ Felix thought with disdain.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is it, boar?” Felix spat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not eat with us, Felix? There’s plenty of room here.” The boar gestured to the seat right next to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The professor looked at him expectantly. That almost blank stare on their face was unnerving. Felix could not tell what the professor thought of him. Even during the rare occasions where he would spar with them, their expression remained unreadable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, the boar clung to almost every little thing the professor did.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was utterly </span>
  <em>
    <span>pathetic</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a sigh of defeat, Felix begrudgingly sat down beside the boar, tightlipped as he pointedly ignored the boar and started with his meal. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Now, I remember. You used to like meat.” The boar said, looking over Felix’s meal. “You can have mine if you want, Felix.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, thanks. You eat it. Don’t want you fainting from hunger.” Felix spoke quickly, hoping that the boar would just give up on bringing him to the conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, I see. Thank you for your concern, Felix.” The boar was chipper. But Felix saw the way he would mechanically eat his meal, picking at it methodically as if it were scraps. This man was not his friend. He will never be, no matter how much the boar willed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The boar continued to talk to the professor, smile ever present on his face. He almost looked like the boy he once called his friend, full of curiosity and compassion. But Felix knew it was nothing but a farce. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had to be.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because the Dimitri he knew would </span>
  <em>
    <span>never—</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Never what exactly? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix struggled to think of the right word for it. Try as he may, it was incredibly difficult to label what exactly Felix felt about all this:  the boar, the professor, and his old friend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nevertheless, Felix was sure of one thing: this Dimitri was not the one he swore himself to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, there it was again, that laughter that Felix was so familiar with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The sound was haunting, sending chills up Felix’s spine. His old friend would only laugh like that when he was with him. His old friend would laugh like that whenever he and Felix spun around in the field, giggling as the world spun around them. He would only laugh like that when he was with Felix, and Felix </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix slowly looked over at the boar, surprise etched on his features. The boar didn’t even spare him a glance as he continued to talk to the professor, as if Felix was not even there to begin with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, as a token of my thanks.” Dread settled deep in Felix’s gut. And to his shock, the boar presented the professor with a </span>
  <em>
    <span>dagger</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix could not help but feel his gut twist aggressively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you.” The professor took the dagger from the boar’s hands, studying it keenly in their hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That feeling in his gut made his chest clench with </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> he dare not name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And suddenly, Felix felt he like was intruding. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, Felix had no place here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And suddenly, he has to go </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Abruptly, Felix stood up, catching the boar’s attention; shocked blue eyes studied the frown on his face as Felix cleaned up his place.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m leaving. Goodbye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was the day Felix decided that his heart will no longer beat for a man he had long lost.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Two years have passed since the continent was thrown into turmoil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>War has ravaged the lands of Fódlan, pushing its inhabitants into a life of fight or flight.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It has been two years since the crown prince of the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus was executed, never to be heard from again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As Felix lay awake during one of Faerghus’s coldest winters, he couldn’t help but feel cold despite the warmth of the body lying next to him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He should have known that </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> was exactly what he felt for the boar. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He should have turned back, took his hand in his, and told him the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now, as cold of the night seeped under the covers, cooling his bare skin underneath the duvet, he could not help but yearn for the warmth that he will never feel ever again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was the professor who found him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or rather, the two found each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Five years of searching, following what could have only been a cold trail, and yet Felix could not have found him sooner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had he found him sooner, the boar would not have devolved into whatever that </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> has become. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Had he found him sooner, then maybe, </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he could have brought </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he hadn’t turned his back on that thing, had he reached out to him when he</span>
  <em>
    <span> knew</span>
  </em>
  <span> that the beast was fraying at its seams, just one small step away from breaking apart, then maybe the boar would not have turned into the beast that Felix feared so much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But alas, he was too late. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of them were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And neither did the professor’s presence help soothe the ghosts that haunted the thing nor did their presence calm the rage the beast felt so deeply. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were at a loss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From afar, Felix watched as the beast loomed over the rubble in the cathedral, his presence so imposing that none would dare approach him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few hours of idle watching, Felix could not take it anymore. He was never one to wait for something to happen. He was a man who was upfront with what he thought. He was a man who did not shy away from a challenge. And it was high time for him to try to talk sense into the thing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So this is what you’ve chosen to become? Pathetic.” Felix daringly approached. In truth, every stride towards the beast was a battle with his own wits. He knew what he was doing was idiotic, foolhardy even. But he couldn’t just stand there and watch the beast spiral deeper into the darkness, willingly immersing himself in the whispers of those who were long dead. He had to do something, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Even just to get a reaction from the beast, letting him know that he was not the only one who was truly present in the cathedral.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I always knew you were a beast. I didn’t expect for you to actually own up to it.” Felix’s voice was loud, echoing through the cathedral, scaring off the birds that had taken rest atop the rubble that was once the image of the goddess. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even with that taunt, the beast did not even breathe a word, did not even move to react. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix came closer to the beast, just a foot away from his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on! Even if you’re a beast, I know you can at least talk.” Felix called out louder, moving closer and closer to the beast. Felix’s heart thudded in his chest, fear and despair rolling into one as he futilely called out to the beast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just talk, god dammit!” Felix blinked back the tears that threatened to fall as he raised a fist against the beast’s back, punching the beast’s back in despair. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a few moments, Felix stayed like that. One arm leaning against the beast’s back, frown deepening as he waited with bated breath for an answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nothing came. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, be that way.” With a frustrated grunt, Felix pulled away from the beast, turning away and heading back to his place behind the pillars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If the beast did not want to talk, then fine. Felix will just wait for him to, no matter how long it will take. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, morning came, and devotees have started to fill the once abandoned cathedral. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From behind the pillars, Felix stood unwavering, watching over the beast, uncertain of what to do, concern evident on his features as he stood by the beast from dawn to dusk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was already deep into the afternoon when the professor dropped by to check on him. Felix was still rooted to his spot, watching as the beast muttered apologies to his ghosts, painful pleas falling on Felix’s ears every now and then as he listened to the voices. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix had requested the professor to do something about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He watched as the professor calmly approached the beast, steady and dauntless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To Felix’s surprise, the professor simply called out his name, and the beast turned around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>However as the professor started to talk, the beast still did not speak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nevertheless, at least they were getting somewhere.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though his pride was hurt, it was the only way he could think of to help guide the beast back into the light. Futile as his actions were, Felix could not help but feel a glimmer of hope bloom in his chest as he watched the professor reach out to the beast. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He may not the beast’s savior, but at least he could help him return eventually. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the day after the disaster that was Gronder Field. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A day after Felix lost someone he </span>
  <em>
    <span>loved</span>
  </em>
  <span> once again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rain poured down heavily, bathing the whole monastery into a somber grey. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix stood in the rain in silence, pondering what he must do next, unsure of what to do with the words his father left him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Who was he kidding?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knew exactly what to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Though his heart was heavy with regrets, unsaid words and helplessness, Felix knew that he was strong enough to push forward, strong enough to at least make all their sacrifices worth it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And he had to start now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He walked around the monastery, searching for the very person he had avoided all these years. If he was to make all these sacrifices worth it, Felix had to start with </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He would later find him at the stables, drenched in the heavy rain as he spoke to the professor, anguish and helplessness dripping from every word he uttered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>From afar, Felix watched as fat tears ran down Dimitri’s face, their professor stepping forward to gently wipe away the tears from his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve saved me so many times. I…I don’t know how to repay you.” Dimitri’s voice trembled as he spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s nothing to be repaid.” The professor spoke softly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix felt his heart clench at the sight. A part of Felix felt relieved but the other part of him felt bitter, regret biting at his heart as he watched Dimitri lean into the professor’s touch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Felix had turned back to Dimitri after the rebellion, would things have been different?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he had given Dimitri the comfort he deserved, the comfort he </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, would Felix have been the one to save him?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Would Dimitri look at him the way he did now at the professor?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix shook his head in dismay. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was no use dwelling on the past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He has done regrettable things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he was Felix Hugo Fraldarius.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And there was no other way for Felix Fraldarius than to move forward, make up for lost time, and become what their king needed.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s the professor?” Felix asked as he scanned the room. The room for the war council was empty, save for the king of Faerghus, who was busy poring over several letters spread across the table. The only sound that could be heard was the brush of fingers over paper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The professor was nowhere to be found, and neither was the leader of the Alliance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was odd, to say the least.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a bright day at Garreg Mach monastery. And they had just defeated the Fell King Nemesis, and eradicated what could only be the cause for the thousand-year turmoil that plagued their land. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were all supposedly celebrating, and yet the two people who spearheaded their victory were nowhere to be found. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They left.” Came the king’s reply, his tone somber. </span>
</p><p><span>“What?”</span> <span>Felix asked, moving to stand at Dimitri’s side. He looked over Dimitri’s shoulder to take a glance at the documents strewn about on the table. “Where did they go off to?”</span></p><p>
  <span>“A far off land, east of Fódlan.” Dimitri said vaguely. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“What?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Felix looked at Dimitri incredulously, his voice rising in pitch. “You mean they just up and left!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” Dimitri was calm, almost sad even as Felix studied his expression. Dimitri did not stutter. Dimitri did not lie. The professor and the leader of the Alliance have left, and judging by the documents laid open before Dimitri, it looked they left Fódlan in their hands.  “They had informed me that it would come to this. However, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed. Their plan, it was nothing short of genius but I…I have to prepare to oversee all of it. There is much to do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then what about the Church?” Felix questioned, pulling out the chair beside Dimitri. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seteth.” Dimitri gave him a small knowing smile, although Felix noticed that it did not reach his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And? The three of you decided to tell us this just now?” Felix asked, raising a brow at the absurdity of the whole situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it was supposed to be a surprise. But Claude and the professor trusted that I would be able to explain how things will work as soon as we’ve finally settled down.” Dimitri said matter-of-factly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So…when are they coming back?” Felix absolutely does not know where this was going. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think we need not worry about them.” How could Dimitri be so calm about this? “Maybe we’ll see them again in the future.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So they’re not coming back. Right. So they decide to save all of Fódlan just to disappear the next day? Is that it?” Felix crossed his arms, his brows scrunched together as he tried to make sense of the situation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s all of it.” Dimitri let out a heavy sigh, shaking his head in dismay. “I’m just as surprised as you are. I never imagined that they would just disappear and just leave us with a note. I was hoping that they would have—“ </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix knew exactly what words came next even if Dimitri did not utter it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nevermind, it’s not important. But as I’ve said, we need not worry about them. We have a whole continent to govern now. We hardly have the time to after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We?” Felix raised a brow at Dimitri’s words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, yes. I—Well, before that I think it would be the best time for us to talk.” Dimitri stumbled over his words.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Get on with it then.” Felix feigned nonchalance but on the inside, he braced himself for what was to come. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I owe you an apology.” Dimitri started, lone blue eye staring straight into Felix’s amber gaze. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I already told you: become a king and atone for them as you do your duties for your people.” Felix reiterated. They had talked about this. It was unnecessary to bring it all up again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I really do mean it, Felix. I…I have taken so much from you. And now, I am asking a lot from you once again.” Dimitri said, his tone laced with a tinge of sadness.  “Felix, I just want to say it again. You are under no obligation to become my advisor. You are free to do as you please.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m staying.” Felix spoke firmly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Felix, you don’t have to.” Dimitri repeated with utmost sincerity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix has already thought about this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His father’s journal only served to strengthen his resolve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re right. I don’t. But I’m not leaving.” Felix said as he held Dimitri’s gaze. “After all, you said so yourself, you have a lot to make up for, and while you might think otherwise, so do I.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“…Thank you, Felix.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It would be a year later when Felix would allow his heart to thud in his chest once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was early morning, and he and Dimitri had been up all night, reviewing for the day’s reparations council. Felix rested his head over arms as he slept soundly at Dimitri’s desk. Felix felt the warmth of the sunlight on his cheeks as he slowly opened his eyes to the morning light.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt deft fingers dance over his forehead before tucking a wayward strand behind his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gesture made Felix’s breath get caught in his throat, amber eyes widening in surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re awake.” Felix’s voice was barely above a whisper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Only for a little while, I promise.” Dimitri spoke quietly, his lone blue eye looked at him softly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm, yeah right.” Felix answered as he unconsciously leaned into Dimitri's touch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They had a long day ahead of them, and there were several meetings they had to go through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Felix almost wanted to return back to the throes of sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Felix?" Dimitri nudged him gently.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You once asked me why I wanted to stay.” Felix murmured as he stared up at Dimitri's face. From Felix's point of view, Dimitri had steadily become better and better. Slowly but surely becoming a man who was fit to be king.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A man whom Felix was starting to recognize as his friend once again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"If I recall correctly, you said that it wasn't the right time to ask such a stupid thing." Dimitri's chuckle made Felix's chest feel warm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Yeah. I still stand by that. But..." Felix allowed the end of his lips to quirk up into a small smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly, Felix lifted his head from the cradle of his arms, lifting one hand to cup Dimitri's cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without hesitation, Felix pressed his lips at the corner of Dimitri's, pulling away quickly and turning his face away from Dimitri's view.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There. Is that enough of a reason?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Felix...We— I mean, I have much to say to you…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So? What are you waiting for?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And their lips met.</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
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